Short Funny Jokes #5 ... I Love Funny Jokes
Football, Tools, Husbands and Wives

#Joke You might be a Redneck if...
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."

Today's subliminal thoughts are:

Feel free to borrow our Mission Statement:
We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.

#Joke The wife said, "I look fat and ugly. I need a compliment."
Her husband replied, "Your eyesight's perfect."
That's when the fight started

#Joke I ASKED MY HUSBAND
if he wanted to renew our wedding vows.
He got so excited.
He thought they had expired.

#Joke... Caller asked "Gee, how much does the hard disk weigh?"
Help Desk replied, "It depends on how much data is on the disk..
The caller believed it.

IN this world you only need two tools.....WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

The old man ate his meal, but the little old lady didn't eat a thing.
The waiter asked her, "What are you waiting for?"
She said, "The TEETH. "

#Joke ~ What does our football team have in common with possums?
Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Procrastinator sez...
I believe that if anything is worth doing,
it would have been done already.

*Joke * Help Wanted. Entry level position:
Which means... We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.

* Joke * Blonde Boy came to my desk and asked,
"How do I set the laser printer to stun?"

You will always be lucky
if you know how to make friends with strange cats.

In Science the credit goes
to the person who convinces the world,
not to the person who first had the idea.
Sir Francis Darwin said that.

*Joke * The human body was designed by an architect.
Who else but an architect would have put a toxic waste line
through a recreation area?

* Joke * On a box of Nytol ~~
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

* Help Wanted Ad *
Person wanted to work in dynamite factory.
Must be willing to travel.

VENI, VEDI, VISA.
I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

If you can't get rid of that skeleton in your closet,
then you'd best teach it to dance....
-George Bernard Shaw said that.

On a child's superman costume, the tag says:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

She was Soooo Blonde .....
She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

* Joke * ..I was thinking that women
should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!    

Funny pictures  Bluetooth

Thanks for stopping in.
I hope you have a very happy day!

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